Happy New Year Everyone! It has been awhile since I have taken time out to write. It isn't that I didn't have anything to say, because trust me that is never the case. I just haven't taken the time to do it. Sometimes the easiest tasks are the hardest to complete and when I write I want to make sure its worth reading. If there is anything I have learned from the past year it is that nothing is ever what it seems.
"Everything happens for reason" Whatever! is all I have to say to that. I have come to dislike that saying and feel like it really doesn't do anyone any good at the time its used. It should be banned from people's conversations or comments until a year or so from the incident its being used for. Then and only then can you truly look back and say, "ok, yeah, I get it!" Until then, it is not allowed. Until then it is an annoying as "You'll shoot your eye out!" from the movie, A Christmas Story.
I have heard that statement several times throughout my life. Each time my response has always been, really?? I don't get it! Why me? Why now? What did I do to deserve this? You would think by now I would just accept it and move on. I think it's the part in me that has issues letting go. I think its the part of me that becomes too committed and dedicated. The part in me that doesn't allow me to dismiss things I have worked so hard for. I think its the part of me that expects so much more from myself.
The very first time I can remember someone saying to me, "Everything happens for a reason" was when a good friend of mine lost her brother. I remember looking at that person and thinking how can losing a brother have a reason? How can this person sit here and say that? Much later on I realized the much bigger picture. The next time I heard this wonderful saying was when my mother became quite sick with Cancer and eventually lost her battle. What could possible be the reason I have to lose my mother at such a young age before she even got to be a grandmother to my kids? I didn't understand why someone could say getting cancer had a purpose. I later realized my mother became my guardian angel and a grandmother in heaven. The next time I hear those words was after I lost my first child. I think that would have to be one of the hardest times to hear those words. I remember being so angry, so upset and so unsure about my life. Four months later I realized that the reason I lost Dillan was so Drew could be apart of my life. It is a hard reason to swallow, but I finally understood at that point. Everything does happen for a reason. Maybe it is hard to see at the moment it happens, but God does have a plan and reason for everything.
I have had several other times in my life that saying has come across my path, but the most recent came a little less than a week ago. After 5 years of being a dedicated and committed teacher, I was told because of budget issues I was being let go. First time I have ever been "let go" from anything. The rush of emotion and heartache that I have felt has been overwhelming. How do you let go of something you loved so much? So I am left once again with hearing, "Everything happens for a reason?" I have to believe that is true and I have to believe that God will take care of me like he has done in the past.
It is so easy to say those 5 words to someone when it isn't happening to you. It is much harder to swallow them when you are the person hearing them. "Everything happens for a reason," I have to believe that is still true and that the future holds something wonderful and fullfilling! I have to believe that life goes on and God's plan has to be a good one!
“I do not fear because God strengthens me.” Isaiah 41:10