Monday, October 31, 2011

My Best Friend

Where do I begin...  I believe 29 years ago this shy, blond little girl came into my life.  She was nice, fun and always made time for me.  She became my best friend immedietly.  We went through grade school, junior high and high school together.  Each step of the way we met our challenges, but always came back to eachother.  We have been friends through weddings, births, deaths, tragedies, family issues and anything else you can think of 2 women would go through over the last 29 years.  She has been my rock and I consider her my sister.  I love her more than I can even explain.  No matter what, she has been there, no matter what.  She always makes me feel like no matter what or when, she would be there to listen, cry, love or just vent.  My kids adore her.  They beg to be around her and her family.  I beg to be around her.  I believe she was put here for me in some weird way.  She makes my life better, she gets me! 

This is for you, my best friend, 
the one person i can tell my soul too 
Who can relate to me like no other 
Who I can laugh with to no extents, 
Who I can cry too when times are tough, 
Who can help me with the problems of my life.
Never have you turned your back on me 
Or told me I wasnt good enough 
Or let me down
I don't think you know what that means to me 
You have went through so much pain and you still have time 
For me. 
And I love you for listening even when inside YOU are dying 
And I look up too you because you are strong, 
and caring 
and beautiful. 
Even though you don't think you are.
And I hope you know that I am always here 
To listen to you laugh and cry and help 
In all the ways that i can 
And I will try to be at least half the friend you are 
To me.
I hope you know I would not be the person I am today, without you. 
My best friend.
Love you Vic!

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Dillan Kathryn

She would be 7 years old today.  Dillan Kathryn Hinrichs would be turning 7 years old.  She would be in 1st grade.  She would be getting ready to go trick or treating.  She would be goofing around with her sisters and brother.  She would be snuggling with me on the couch and I would be ticking her head telling her how much I love her.  I miss her every minute of every day. There is not a time that I don't feel that void of her not being here.  It never feels like our family is complete.  My daughter Drew was asking about her today.  She just started talking about her.  How close they would have been in age and how much she loved her sister.  Drew, if you remember, just had a birthday on Monday and she turned 6.  She tells me she sometimes sees Dillan in her dreams.  She will wake up and remember that her sister was there with her.  I take comfort in that and feel Dillan's presence through Drew all the time.  Weird?  Maybe I am just grasping for anything to give me back some time with her, but in my heart I truly believe that she and Drew are one in the same.  I told Drew today that I wanted her sister Dillan here with me and that I wanted to see her grow and hear her giggle and cry and tell me she loves me.  Drew simply looked at me and said, "Me too mom!"  I remember Dillan today and cherish the 9 months I had with her alive in my tummy.  Happy Birthday my sweet angel.  I love you more than you will ever know!

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Family Ties

I had a conversation with one of my sisters last night and found myself in tears.  After I had finished my conversation with her I felt exausted, but better.  She listened, cared and took the time for it.  Some of the things we talked about were not the easiest, but she understood and related to the things I was saying.  I thank her so much for that.  My family use to be very close and always found the time for eachother.  I am sad to say that is not true anymore.  My mother passed away several years ago and ever since that, our family has never been the same really.  I miss my mom every minute of everyday.  I miss my mom right this moment as I am writing this blog.  I miss the fact she will never see my children and they will never experience the woman she was. I need her more than ever now and I miss her.
My dad remarried quite quickly after her passing which was an adjustment.  It is hard to have a new woman in the picture after having my mother for over 28 years.   But over time I have learned to allow this woman into my life and the lives of my children.  It has been tough, she is not my mother and so very different, but she is a good person.  She is a good grandmother and she is good to my father.  That in itself is a blessing.  I use to be quite close with my sisters also, but with time that has also felt like a loss. Now I have found that when one or two of them get together I am not included or considered.  I get I have little kids and I live 20 minutes away, but it really does drive a knife into the soul.  It leaves you thinking, "wow, where did I go wrong or what did I do?"  There has been several factors that have contributed to this, but when it comes down to it, should there ever be anything that comes between sisters?  It makes me cringe to think that ever happening between my girls.  I tell them all the time to cherish and love eachother no matter what.  To listen, be kind and remember that forgiveness makes the heart so full of love.  I find it hard to take my own advice on a day to day basis and often find my own heart filling with anger more than love.  I feel bad that my children do not have the oppportunity to really know their aunts and uncles the way I got know my sisters children.  I was in my early 20's when 2 of my sisters had their children.  I was not married and did not have my own family at the time, but man did I make sure I was in their lives every chance I got.  I was at every X-mas program, preschool, school event, sporting event little and big.  Whatever they needed, I was there for them, they came first, above my nights out on the town or my other friends, I made sure that they knew I was more than just an aunt, but someone that wanted to spend every moment I could with them.  I have to say with my own family it has been tougher and those little ones are now in their teens and 20's.  I also haven't been in their lives as much now which makes me sad and I only have myself to blame for that.  I realize I need to be there and let them know regardless my relationship with their parents.  I think what makes me the saddest is when my own kiddos ask why we never see them anymore.  It easier to exlpain why we dont see people that live hours away for states away, but 20 minutes away, that is tough.  
I find myself wanting to cry on a daily basis and often find myself shutting myself off from that hurt.  I get we get busy with our lives, but that is no excuse.  I have also realized that my own family is my concern now and if my family doesn't want to experience all my kids have to offer than so be it.  There is always some excuse, some reason, too busy, more important appointments or outings.  It is what it is. My friends and coworkers have become my family these days.  They are who I share my kids accomplishments with, they are the ones I get together with, they are the ones that want to do things with me and they are the ones that take the time to visit with us.  They are the ones that make each day a better day!  Sometimes you have to accept things for the way they are and move on.  It's just to hard otherwise...

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Baby Chubs

         I feel like I have been without sleep since April 18th, the day my bundle of joy Gabe came into this world.  He is the most cuddly, sweet, chunky boy with a smile that lights up a room.  That child is smiling non stop.  I really think the only time he is not smiling is when he is hungry.  But all you have to do is give him his yummies and he is right back to smiling.  I often think about what it would be like with that disposition and that ability to always be smiling.  But why shouldn't I be.  I am blessed with so many wonderful things.  I am thinking it might be because this child has me up every 2 hours and he is 6 months old!!!!  What is the deal.  I find it amusing also that my husband complains about him getting up every 2 hours and he doesn't budge to get up with him.  I have tried everything and this boy of mine just won't give me a break!  I do think my body has adjusted to it, but some days I could just curl up in a corner and sleep for about 5 weeks.            I can't believe how he is changing.  Everyday there is something new and each day he brings a giggle and grunt to my life.  I always find it amusing when people say to me, "bet your happy you finally got your boy after 2 girls?"  I usually say you mean after 3 and than proceed to say I am just happy I had a healthy baby period.  I really didn't care if Gabe was a girl or boy, but it was a wonderful surprise for our last one.  I look at him and can only think how lucky I am to have him in my life.  I often feel sorry for those people that only want a boy or only want a girl, they are missing so much.  Life is such an amazing gift and the fact that I am able to produce that still baffles and amazes me.  Gabe is my boy and I cannot wait to see him grow and change.  I can't wait to see if his hair stays red and if he grows up to look like his sister Drew.  I can't wait to see if he possesses his sister Reese's personality and sense of humor.  I can't wait to see if he is a good athlete like his father or if he possesses some other creative quality.  I can't wait for him to talk and say mama for the first time and I cannot wait to tell him about his journey to be with us.  My Gabe is evidence to me everyday of what life should be like.  He is amazing and he is my son! 

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

The middle child

I woke up this morning to my sweet little 2 year old sleeping on the floor next to her brother in our bedroom.  So I scooped her up and snuggled up to her in our bed.  With her half open eyes and her hoarse voice she says, "love you much mom".  What an amazing way to start my day.  Those 4 words were enough to make me stop and realize with all the hectic things my life is, this moment is one that will help me get through this day. 
They often say the the middle child takes on that role before they are even given it.  I must say that is so true with Reese.  She such her own person.  She doesn't even look like the other 2.  She has her own sense of style, her own voice and her own way expressing herself.  She is already so independent and passionate about what she wants.  Reese is thought ful, caring and loves her big sister.  You can already see her admiring Drew and all that she does.  Reese likes to look at me and say,"When I get bigger, right mom" whenever I tell her she is too little.  She is a daredevil and already a practical joker.  I often hear her saying, "Just kidding!"  Strong willed would be another word to describe her. She is such a blessing to my life.  I feel like God gave her to me to fulfill something inside of me that was missing.  I feel like she is my one child that truly completes me. 
I plan on enjoying this day and getting the most out of it.  Thank you Reese for giving me a reason to get up and live life!

Monday, October 24, 2011

A Bitter Sweet Day

Today I celebrate my daughter Drew's 6th birthday.  What a bitter sweet day for my husband and I.  She is truly an unexpected gift from God.  She is an amazing little girl with so many talents and a personality that lights up a room.  Her red hair definetly matches her peronality.  I am so lucky to have her in my life.
Today is bittersweet for many reasons.  Our Drew was not planned and we found out I was pregnant with her 3 months after our daughter Dillan was born still into this world at 40 weeks.  It was one of the most devistating times of our life, but also the most joyous.  I often think whether or not I would have Drew in my life if Dillan would have survived and that makes me quite sad.  It is hard to mourn our Dillan without feeling guilty about rejoicing for Drew.  I have come to the conclusion I will never know and the biggest sacrifice my Dillan made brought me my beautiful Drew.  I can't tell you the resemeblence between the 2, but it is so evident Dillan is working through Drew.  I can see it in her eyes.  I take today to cherish this beautiful little red-headed girl I call Drew and enjoy every minute of every second I have with her.  I am blessed and cannot wait for a lifetime with her!!!  Happy Birthday my sweet Drew!

Friday, October 21, 2011

Ramblings of Someone's Mother: TGIF

Ramblings of Someone's Mother: TGIF: I have a love/hate relationship with Fridays. My Friday began at 3 am this morning with my 6 year old asking me why aren't I up yet gettin...


 I have a love/hate relationship with Fridays.  My Friday began at 3 am this morning with my 6 year old asking me why aren't I up yet getting her ready for school.  On a side note, I also do not understand why my kids constantly wake up nude.  I put them to bed with full PJ's on and by the AM they are nude.  I dread the day we may need to evacuate the house and its winter.  Who knows what the neighbors will think.  Anyway, my response to her was, "Are you kidding me?"  Every other day during the week getting my kids out of bed is like pulling teeth, painful and frustrating.  I have to say I do love payday Fridays, those are always nice.  But payday Friday does not mean the same thing they use to before kids and responsibilities.  I remember the day when half the paycheck went to new shoes, clothes and Happy Hour with good friends.  Now the check isn't enough and it goes towards things such as diapers, formula, car payments and shoes for the kids.  Man they grow out of them quick.  Also, Fridays now consist of  movies on "On Demand" and a glass of wine.  Is it bad that some Fridays I dread because I know that my weekend is nothing to look forward to?  I mean, I would love to know that my weekend was my own to do with what I wish.  If that makes me selfish, than so be it!  Fridays also indicate that I have 2 whole days to spend with my kiddos.  This is also both good and bad.  Lets just say by Sunday I am ready for the week to begin.  Sad, but true! Enjoy your Friday everyone!

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Let me introduce myself!

I have decided to blog the craziness of my life as a mother, teacher, wife and whatever else is thrown into my mix.  I have come to the realization that this will be my therapy and my way to express myself.  My life as late is one of the same thing day in and day out. 
Let me start by saying I am a mother of 3 small children.  6, 2 & 6 months to be exact.  2 girls and 1 boy, poor guy, not a chance with his crazy sisters.  I teach middle school students, yes middle school.  They are my challenge and my sanity in my day.  I have been married 11 years and every day it is work.  Anyone that says they love pregnancy or marriage isn't work, are complete and utterly mistaken and dilusional. 
I am blessed each day with the chance to live it and experience the gifts I have been given.  Do I love all those opportunities and gifts all the time, yeah right, but it is what it is!  We are given one chance to live this life and I believe you have to take that chance each day!  All I can say is this, my life is one I think you can relate to.  So please, enjoy!